The Art of Patience

What to do when patience runs out?

6:24 am... It has been said that patience is a virtue, and as the parent of a going-on-five year old, I see that so very clearly now. Kids can be amazing, intuitive, hilarious, loving, brilliant, and unbelievably frustrating. When they're super tired and cranky because it's before 6:00 am, but they've got to get ready for school, being patient can be incredibly challenging. Often we know the path to soothing our child, but all of our efforts fall short. And sometimes, we just fail. Our ability to find patience is undermined, and there is suffering because of it.

Suffering, of course, is relative and it comes in a wide variety of flavors. Sometimes it comes in the form of being denied what we want. Sometimes it is physical trauma. Sometimes it is simply not understanding why things are happening, or why things have to be a certain way. Regardless, none of us likes to suffer, and none of us likes to see our child in a state of suffering either. But the reality is that we do not live in a world which allows us to cater to our needs and wants as they arise. The clock is always ticking, things need to be done and done on the schedule laid out before us. If you're tired, I'm sorry... But brushing teeth and getting dressed and combing hair are part of the routine which needs to be completed every morning. School starts at a certain time. Work starts at a certain time. Us being tired doesn't alter the schedule.

Explaining this to a child can, quite frankly, be impossible. They may understand the words. They may even tell you that they understand when you take the time to explain it to them. But that doesn't mean that they can translate those words into coherent action or alter their behavior in order to meet the demands of the world. And, as irony plays a frequent and antagonistic role in the play we call life, the times when you most desperately need your child to understand this, are the times when you simply cannot stop to help them understand. "We're in a hurry this morning, so I need to help you get ready, okay?" But I wanna do it myself! "I know, but we're running late and if I don't help you it will take too long." I wanna do it MYSELF!!!

It's about here where the delicate boundary of patience is met with the pointed stick of necessity. Do you walk away and let them get ready, while you call your boss to tell them you're going to be late? Do you pull them close, calm them, try to explain it until they understand? Or at least acquiesce? (Again, resulting in you being late for work.) Or do you march them through the morning routine, with them wailing and you gnashing your teeth? Some days you choose better than others... 6:54 am...