Death and Celebration

Celebrations of life, love, survival, prosperity and death.

6:36 am... The celebratory season is now upon us. Diwali filled the houses, streets and sky with colorful lights all across India and Southeast Asia yesterday. Halloween is now being celebrated in the US, UK and across Europe. Dia de Los Muertos, the Mexican holiday honoring the memories of those who have passed, follows on November 1st. Before long Thanksgiving and Hanukkah,  Christmas and Kwanzaa, Boxing day and dozens of other celebratory opportunities will be laid before us.

We revel in the joy of living for these next months, perhaps because (in the Northern hemisphere, at least) the days grow shorter, the harvests are being completed and the ominous oppression of winter looms over the horizon. There is nothing like the fear of death to give cause for celebration of life. Of course, you don't need a holiday to appreciate life. After all, death is always looming, waiting to strike. A fact which we often fail to appreciate. Why fear anything in life, when death waits for us all?

I'm not trying to be morbid. Just observing that our celebrations are so often about persistence and survival, and the joy that is to be found and appreciated in life. But our daily lives often lose this appreciation for what a wonder it is to simply be alive. How often do we hear of those who have near-death experiences and suddenly begin doing all of the things they've ever wanted to do? What was holding them back before? Fear? Fear of what exactly? Failure? Embarrassment? Death?

We all fall victim to it, don't we? Let's break the fear wide open this year. As you go about your holiday activities, remember that every day is a day to appreciate life, stare death in the face and laugh, and then go out and live the life you dream about... ghosts and goblins beware... 6:56 am...

When You Just Know

Future CEO... Oh no! Therapy NOW!!!

8:32 am... It's always interesting when a study comes out which verifies something that we basically already knew. I suppose there is some satisfaction in our intuition being confirmed. For instance, there was an astronomical study which determined that the universe had no preference for direction. Confirming that galaxies didn't all line up at particular angles or conform to any strange patterns which could not be explained by physics. Nice to know, and something that I had always presumed to be true.

This outcome, of course, is not always the case. For instance, we would have never guessed that most stars are binaries, or that the trilobyte beetle males have been so elusive because they simply look nothing at all like the females. So often, our intuition does fail us, because we base our assumptions on patterns and logic. Sometimes the logic is more complex than we understand, and the pattern has another level of detail which we haven't managed to uncover yet. Thus the need for science is so great.

Regardless, I stray far from my intended point this morning (Surprise!) as my desire was to actually comment on a recent study regarding CEOs. The study determined that more than 1 in 5 CEOs have strong psycho-/sociopathic tendencies. Well, that WAS a surprise... because my experience would have put that number at 4 in 5. But maybe I've just been lucky.

Their is a very feral aspect to most of the CEOs I have met. They're like humans who don't play human games anymore. Some are incredibly charming and friendly, warm and gracious, and don't in any way give a fuck about any of the people around them. They will lie, steal and undermine anyone and everyone to get the ends they're seeking. If Kant were alive to see the way business has eviscerated the morality of humanity, his head would likely explode. Everyone is a means to them, and the end is putting more and more money into their own pockets.

Don't fool yourselves, these psychopaths... They're the ones running things around here... 8:59 am...

Anticipation of Conflict

It's all in my head!

6:30 am... Between rounds of petting a very affection-starved and demanding cat, I am assessing my frame of mind. I'm aggravated and anticipate conflict today. Part of me seeks it, but most of me knows that it is best avoided. My difficulty is in keeping my mouth shut, especially when people will be engaging me all day long.

I am (for another 10 hours or so) part of a non-profit group. What we do doesn't really matter, just that fact that I have decided to part ways with them does. It was very exciting in the beginning to be part of, but over the three years I have been a member, my frustration with the group has mounted. These are very talented and giving individuals, but the term organization fits them so loosely as to be laughable. There is no leadership, no direction, no forward momentum. I do not do well in situations like this.

Admittedly, the problem is mine. I need strong leadership. I need to be engaged with new challenges constantly. I need to feel that what I'm getting out of a situation is at least close to what I'm putting in. The problem is that I usually put in a whole lot right from the jump, and then realize that what I'm getting out simply doesn't compensate for the energy and time I'm expending. It is a pattern and I am aware of it. I simply lack the tools to change it. So, I deal with the fallout of my twisted psyche.

With a new job, going back to school, and Honey Bee and Little Man to take care of (along with the cats, of course,) I had to let something go. Or, that's just the excuse I'm using today to avoid telling them all how I really feel. There's just no point, and I know it. It won't change anything and It'll burn bridges. So, I need to smile, act frazzled, and offer the semi-valid excuses that I have laid before you. 

Sigh. I need to get my stuff packed into the car and head out to the meeting... Good Times... 6:47 am...

Whispers from the Grave

Well down the path of the living.

6:51 am... Have you ever been out somewhere and you think you see someone you know? Perhaps you think it's an ex-coworker or a casual acquaintance that you lost touch with years ago? But it turns out that it isn't? Maybe they just looked kinda like them, or had some of their mannerisms? Even though it wasn't them, now that person is on your mind, so you start thinking about them. I'm fairly certain this happens to all of us from time to time.

Then there's the flip side of this event - when you haven't thought about a person in years, and then you find out that they died. Maybe it just happened, or maybe it happened years ago, but you just find out about it. It kinda freaks you out a little bit, maybe a lot. Even though you aren't really deeply connected with them, the fact that they have been removed from your reality causes shock waves in your mind. Again, we all experience this in our lives at some point.

But, there is another, not dissimilar, event which is an odd combination of the two. It has begun to happen to me recently, and has thrown me for a bit of a loop. I'm over 40 now, and with that achievement comes a certain heightened awareness of death. It is sometimes subtle, frequently pointed and nearly always uncomfortable. Let me describe this "event" which has sprung up in recent months. As with the first case above, I am going about my business and, for whatever reason, someone that I haven't seen in years pops into my head. Typically my first thought about that person would be "I wonder how they're doing." Pretty standard, right? Well, several times now my first thought has evolved into "I wonder if they're still alive?" Now, admittedly, the times that it has happened were when I was thinking of someone a good 20-30 years older than myself. But, it is disconcerting to feel death whispering in my ear these days... Stay safe, enjoy life... 7:04 am...

Civic Duty

We the People either speak or serve. The choice is ours.

"If ye love wealth greater than liberty, the tranquility of servitude greater than the animating contest for freedom, go home from us in peace. We seek not your counsel, nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you. May your chains set lightly upon you; and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen. – Samuel Adams

Whenever I find myself conflicted during election time, the quote above is one I use to guide my thoughts. Powerful, isn't it? The concept of liberty and the contest for freedom which surrounds it are incredibly fundamental to this country. So often we get caught up in the hot-button topics of the day, the spin, the circus act being put on for our benefit - and distraction - and we fail to consider what truly matters. I will almost never discuss politics in my blogs. And this one is no exception. I have no interest in telling you who or what to vote for, that's your job to figure out.

But I will be early voting today, as will many Texans. In fact, this election has already broken early voting records by a wide margin - pretty much everyone has already decided on a candidate, and most are just plain done with the nonsense and rhetoric. More than anything, what is on my mind is the need for people to be involved - and by "be involved" I don't just mean VOTE. Pay attention. Do some research. Don't just take in the drivel that the media feeds you, they've ALL got their own agenda to push. Figure out what your own agenda is... REALLY figure it out. I see too many people who simply adopt the popular or superficial causes and rallying points in a mindless, brain-washed manner. Spend FIVE hours doing actual research on the positions of the candidate and political parties, and you will be a thousand times more informed that the average citizen. Is that too much to ask?

Just voting party lines, or following your friends vote is NOT taking part in the political process. If you don't vote, or you vote without being informed, then YOU are to blame for what's wrong with this country, because you ARE in control of it... Pretending that you're not? Using the lame excuse that your vote doesn't count? Then please refer to Mr. Samuel Adams at the beginning of this blog for instructions... Skip ahead to the part that begins "Crouch down..." the first part does not apply to you... VOTE, BITCHES... 6:38 am...

Gridlock'd

Traffic got you down? Me, too!

6:28 am... Two days into my new job and it's time to comment on the traffic. Hooray! Austin, for all its charm, has been voted one of the worst places in the country for driving. The city has grown at such a rapid rate in the last fifteen years, that city planners have utterly failed to keep up. The main arteries, IH-35, Mopac (Loop 1) and U.S. 183 are hopelessly jammed up by around 7:00 am. 

This leaves the overflow scrambling through the city streets, in an attempt to avoid the backed-up highways. Which, of course, leads to thousands of people crammed into streets mean to support maybe a hundred or two at any given time. It's a joy to spend your morning with a group of angry, frustrated, rushed people, bumper-to-bumper, wondering if you're going to be late for work because some lawn service truck has broken down ahead of them and is taking up both lanes of traffic.

It is a ridiculous thing, this traffic. And we have no one to blame but ourselves. We have taken the desire for convenience, and have turned it into the most inconvenient scenario possible. People will argue that mass transit "sucks", so they have to have their car. But the reality is that mass transit sucks because the only people who use it are those who absolutely have to do so. Okay, there is a small percentage, I'd offer it's less than 15% of the total customer base, who use it because it's either greener, or just as convenient as driving. But the rest of the folks who use it are typically doing so because $100 for a monthly bus pass is way cheaper than a car payment, plus insurance, plus gas, plus maintenance.

The truth is, if we weren't so spoiled and addicted to having personal vehicles, we could have an awesome mass transit infrastructure. Perhaps one day, when self-driving cars are established and environmental concerns force us to "act or die" we will be done with this ridiculous traffic circus. I could expound on some ideas related to traffic solutions in a much longer post. But for now, I've got to head out the door and spend the next 30 minutes getting to my job... which is 9 miles away... That's right, my net speed is around 18 miles per hour, and I'm going cross-town... I'm not even fighting the primary traffic flow... Good times... 6:46 am...

Aaahhh... New Surroundings

New Job... New Place... New People

6:22 am... For me, starting a new job is a strange mix of anticipation and anxiety. I'm a total introvert, but over the years have trained myself to manifest extrovert mannerisms. I have no problem being introduced to 50 different people - who are now my coworkers - but walking into the lunch room where a dozen of them are gathered is a whole different story.

Everyone there is super cool. And there is a great amount of ethnic diversity, which is awesome to me. As a white person, I gotta tell you, a whole room full of white people, just isn't that interesting to me. I don't watch TV. I'm not interested in discussing politics or Christianity. And I'm not into sports. Which usually means that we have no points of common interest to drive a conversation. Maybe, if I'm lucky, there will be a gamer, an intellectual or a hip-hop aficionado in the crowd. Otherwise, I'm ready to hit the door pretty quickly.

But this place is cool. There are a bunch of Southeast Asians - mostly Vietnamese - who work on the assembly floor. Several Eastern Europeans (Russians, Ukrainians, ? Not certain,) are also sprinkled into the "typical Austin mix", which is 48% Mexican, 48% Caucasian, 2% African American, and about 2% Central/South American. Don't know exactly what my point is here, other than I was happy to see a lot of people not like me. Strangely, that actually alleviated some of my sense of introvercy.

Otherwise, it was a slow start. I have a computer, but no login has been issued by corporate yet. My boss has a million ideas for how I can help him... nearly all of which require access to the network and training on their systems... We'll get there in a day or two... It'll be fun... 6:43 am...